for the 2015/2016 season?
Do you have just two months to prepare for the qualifying fitness test that you want to knock out of the park?
Then BOOT CAMP may be for you!
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Q: How do I join BOOT CAMP?
A. Joining BOOT CAMP is easy! During the first week of September, just have surgery on your stupid little toe (you know, the one you hate? The one that almost single-digitedly ruined your whole last season?). Afterwards, you will be sent home in a special Sex, Begone!™ Orthopaedic BOOT (comes with *free* Tragi-Sock™). Then, just lie around for the next five whole days, with no walking, let alone rigorous activity, for at least the next two weeks and congratulations! You're in BOOT CAMP!
Q: What's the difference between BOOT CAMP and being asleep, or in a coma?
A. When you're asleep or in a coma, you can't play fun, hydrocodone-induced games like "How Many US Open Matches Does It Take To Eat An Entire Costco Bag Of Stacy's Pita Chips, Simply Naked Flavor?"
Q. How much weight will I lose after BOOT CAMP?
A. The special Sex, Begone!™ Orthopaedic BOOT weighs approximately 14.5 oz.
Q. I noticed it was rainy and cold every day before my surgery, but now that I am confined to the couch in BOOT CAMP, the weather outside is glorious. I guess I don't really have a question, but I just wanted to mention that.
A. Next question!
Q. I'm still not clear about how BOOT CAMP will prepare me for my upcoming ski instructor fitness test. Would you please explain?
A. I would, but the Monfils/Federer match has just taken an unexpected turn, I've got half a bag of pita chips to go, and I need to focus up. Good luck, and don't forget to ice every 20 minutes!
This was very informative! You make it sound so easy, though. Do you think being in high altitudes gives you an edge in mastering Boot Camp, or would sea-level people do OK, say, if they had, like, special skills, like a really, really strong core, or a good eye for patterns?
ReplyDeleteThank you for your question! Of course sea level people with special skills would do "okay" at Boot Camp, but they wouldn't do as great as someone who trains at altitude, because as you know, everything is more challenging at altitude. (For more information, just ask anyone who lives at altitude.)
Delete